Writing a letter to someone you care about, when they are struggling, can be really hard. It’s important to recognise this, and not to beat yourself up.
I’ve spent so much time staring at a blank page, not knowing what to say. It’s like my brain just switches off and decides to take the day off (somewhere warm and sunny, I hope!).
There’s a strange pressure that comes with writing to someone who is hurting. You want to say the right thing. Something wise. Something comforting. However sometimes it can be hard to find the right words to say without worrying you come across too happy, too try-hardy, too much, or just plain annoying.
But the truth is, no matter how much we want them to be, letters are not a magical tool that instantly fix all of your friends problems.
Most of the time, the fact that you sat down and took the time to write anything means so much more than the actual words that you write. Sitting down at all shows them how much they mean to you, and that feeling is so much more powerful than you might ever realise.
If you’ve ever found yourself staring at a blank page, unsure where to begin, here are three simple things you can include in a letter when you don’t know what to say.
1. Acknowledge That You Don’t Know What To Say
First of all, don’t be afraid to acknowledge that you don’t know what to say. This is so much more powerful and relatable than you realise. You’re human, and it shows that despite that, you still wanted to show up for them.
Your friend won’t want you to struggle, and will fully appreciate your honesty over worrying that you have forced words that don’t feel genuine.
In fact, some of the most comforting words a person can read are beautifully simple: “I don’t really know what to say, but I’ve been thinking about you.”
There’s something deeply reassuring about that kind of honesty. It removes the pressure for both of you. You’re not trying to fix anything, or offer the perfect advice. You’re simply saying: I’m here. I care. You were on my mind.
And that matters more than you might think.
When someone is struggling, they often feel isolated in their experience. A letter – even a short, imperfect one – gently pushes back against that loneliness. It reminds them that somewhere out there, someone paused their day, picked up a pen, and thought of them.
So if the words feel difficult, let them exist in their raw state.
Sometimes the most meaningful sentence in a letter is simply the truest one.
2. Recommend A Song That Cheers You Up When You’re Low
We all know that music tastes are incredibly subjective. What feels uplifting to one person might feel completely different to someone else. But try not to worry too much about whether your friend will love the song or not, because that’s not really the point of this one.
What matters is that you chose to share something personal, and means something to YOU.
When you recommend a song that helps you through difficult moments, you’re offering a small glimpse into your own emotional world. You’re saying to your friend, “This is something that has helped me before. I thought of you when I listened to it.”
That kind of sharing can feel surprisingly comforting.
Music has a way of sitting with us in moments when we can’t think of the right words A song can fill the quiet space of an evening, accompany a walk, or simply remind someone that another person was thinking of them when they pressed play.
If you are really struggling, maybe you could write some of the lyrics and include a line or two about why the song – or those specific lyrics – matter to you, or when you tend to listen to it. Maybe it’s the one you play when the day has been heavy. Maybe it reminds you that things eventually pass. Maybe it simply makes you smile.
It doesn’t have to be a popular, or a well-known song by a famous band, it could be from an obscure band you discovered randomly, or your favourite local band.
And who knows — even if it never becomes their song, it might still become a small, comforting reminder of you.
3. Tell a Funny Story About Someone or Something Silly That You Have Done
It can feel hard to smile or laugh when life is feeling particularly difficult, but the fact that you tried will be something that stays with your friends, longer than you can probably imagine. And the great thing is that we all have funny or slightly ridiculous stories tucked away in our everyday lives, whether we had a funny moment in the local cafe or saw something odd on our drive to work.
Maybe you waved back at someone who wasn’t waving at you. Maybe you confidently walked into the wrong room. Maybe you spent five minutes talking to someone before realising you both thought you knew each other from somewhere. Life is full of these tiny and slightly awkward moment that are so incredibly human.
This is also a great way of learning to laugh at yourself a little bit.
When someone is struggling, the world can start to feel very small and isolating. Days blur into one and normal life can feel like something they are no longer a part of.
A silly story reminds them that ordinary life is still ticking along out there, and for a moment they might feel like they’re a part of it, especially if they haven’t been recently.
You’re not trying to make light of what they’re going through. You’re simply bringing them a small piece of the outside world. A moment of normality for them.