Oof. This book. Heavy in all the right ways.
So, If I Survive You is one of those books that kicks you in the teeth, makes you feel uncomfortable, confused, sad, angry, and then suddenly you’re laughing at something weird or painfully relatable.
It follows a Jamaican family who’ve moved to Miami and are basically just trying to get through life without falling apart (spoiler: they don’t always succeed).
Trelawny, the main character, is kind of floating; American but not American enough, Black but also not always the “right” kind of Black in the eyes of others, stuck between cultures, between family loyalties, between jobs, between everything.
And his dad? His chapters were hard. Not hard in a bad way, quite the opposite, in fact. They were written in thick Jamaican patois that made me feel like I was decoding him quite a lot.It took me a few tries, not gonna lie. But once it clicked, it hit differently. Like, ohhh this is the point. I don’t understand his Dadd, because Trelawny doesn’t him. They don’t understand each other, not just in life, but in language. We were supposed to struggle in those chapters. It was literally there to challenge us, and to take us out of our comfort zones. We were meant to feel like Trelawny.
One of the book club lot (hi, Leanne!) listened to the audiobook, and I’m kind of jealous, to be honest. Apparently every character had their own voice, which probably made the story feel even richer. Honestly, I wish I’d done that. Would’ve helped my poor brain with the denser bits.
There’s sibling rivalry, money worries, hurricanes (literal and emotional), racism, and a deep sense of “what even is home anyway?” None of it’s tidy. There’s no bow on this one. It’s raw and sometimes messy, but it feels true.
It’s not the easiest read we’ve done, but it’s one of the most important ones. Especially if you’ve ever felt like you don’t fully belong anywhere, or like survival is less about thriving and more about just getting through the day without screaming into a bin.
Give it a go. It’ll stretch you, but sometimes that’s exactly what a book should do.